Corrupt-a-wish (Brought to you by Mly copy-pasting a copy-paste to the nth degree.)

Nooblet

Granted, but the wish power was so high the paper got burned. I wish for moar coffee.

Automatic Terror Machine

Granted but your coffee ends up containing an ingredient that you are allergic to.

I wish for new shoes.

Mod

Granted, but they're super high heels and you twist your ankle.

I wish for a spoon.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

Granted. I screwed up the wish, though, and gave you a fork.

I wish for a fancy kitchen.

Mod

Granted, but the designer figured a fancy kitchen should look great and not have anything you need for food preparation.

I wish for a ship.

Nooblet

Granted, but little do you know that the ship was actually built out of cheese, a.k.a ship is holed and will sink.
I wish for a Darth Vader suit.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

EDIT: Mods can not delete posts. Hmmm.

Anyway, Granted. But the suit malfunctions. Too bad.

I wish for a puppy.

Nooblet

Granted, but the puppy grew up so quickly to become a guard dog... little do you know it hurts when it bites you. I wish for a flamethrower.

Automatic Terror Machine

Granted but the gas line is not hooked up correctly, splattering gas back at you and setting you ablaze.

I wish for a laser-disc player.

The Final Boss

Granted. You have brought into existence an anthropomorphic disk drive of some sort who is a super-pimp. What hell hath you wrought upon us!?

I wish for this thread to be stickied due to its popularity. But I can grant that wish myself, and in fact I just did, so I wish instead for a can o' soop.

Nooblet

Granted, but not only does the soup-soop gets spilled on you, the cup explodes as well.

I wish for an alien invasion.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

Granted. But they ran out of gas an the invasion failed.

I wish for something to wish for.

Nooblet

Granted, but this thing happened to be another alien invasion for you. And it failed as well. Not just that, but they left the entire humanity and kidnapped you. I wish I had a damsel in distress to rape.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

Granted, but she has a case of vagina detata. Enjoy the rape.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/VaginaDentata

I wish for a fancy sports car.

Nooblet

Granted, but you're girlfriend steals it from you, and breaks up with you.

I wish for a black hole I can control.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

Granted, but you aren't strong enough to control it, and end up being absorbed by the hole, and desintegrate.(Spelling?)

I wish for a belt to keep my pants up.

Mod

Granted. The belt keeps your pants up so well, it also keeps your organs from being normal organ-shape and you die of internal bleeding.

I wish for a smartphone that operates as well as a desktop computer.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

Comet Moth wrote:: Granted. The belt keeps your pants up so well, it also keeps your organs from being normal organ-shape and you die of internal bleeding.

I wish for a smartphone that operates as well as a desktop computer.

Granted, The smartphone gets too smart and abandons you to start a cyber revolution.

I wish for a smart car.

Mod

Granted, the smart car is smart enough to form its own opinions. It decides it doesn't like you and takes you both on a ride over a cliff.

I wish for strawberry syrup.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

Granted. It expired last year, though.

I wish for a fancy coat.

Mod

Granted, but it's made of fur. A PETA member comes by and douses you in human blood.

I wish for a sticker.

Chief Sergeant Major of the Obvious

Granted, but it gets stuck everywhere, and you eventually throw it away out of frustration.

I wish for a a pair of pants.

Mod

Granted, but they look like this:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wu-PDYCCeNA/Th3DaiXUA4I/AAAAAAAAAFk/0G5fH2_kE54/s1600/MJOL-MP5_V1%255B1%255D.jpg

I wish for 3 socks.

Nooblet

Granted, but the third sock has to go somewhere... in this case, your head. I wish I had a pen.

Nooblet

Granted, but the pen fuses with 'is' and so you gain a penis.

I wish for a fine hat, and a mustache to sport.